Birthday Celebration

Tepat H-1 (kmarin) gw ultah. Rencananya, gw mau lakuin smw yang gw suka doank. Dimulai dari ke gereja pagi (wajib yang ini), trs ke charmy snow ice, starbucks, es shanghai fadhilah, sama trakhir makan2 bareng tmen2. Tapi, smuanya batal. Akhirnya dari gereja malah ujan, jd lgsg ke acara makan2, tp gw ditraktir!!!!! Di Hanamasa pula!!!!! asik abz deh... Bayangin aja saking lapernya, makan lahap, akhirnya ga makan lagi malemnya gara2 kenyang banget. Oya, kita makan ber4 doank, tmen2 dari grup band. Asik deh... trs langsung cabut ke gereja lagi, buat ibadah yang malem (yang ini yang super wajibnya, gw g blh smpe kelewat). Di gereja... eh sebelumnya, waktu baru beres gereja yang siang, ada tmn gw yg bilang punya lagu baru, nyuruh gw maenin keyboardnya, dia kasih chordnya. Gubrag!! Lagu happy birthday ternyata... pliz deh... maenin bwt diri sendiri. Trs satu persatu nyelametin lagi, mulai dari para leader, ko inan, beserta istri, Erwin lagi (H-1 udah soalnya), trs pastor yang laennya jg, dan berakhir dengan pulang. Oya, balik lagi ke yang tadi. Seudah di gereja lagi, kita langsung latihan bwt yang jam 4. Ya, latihan asik, beres... Ibadah panjang, undescribable. Harus liat sendiri. Seudah itu pulang, makan malem di chili padi, my suggestion. Cuma mau swamp things nya sih. Trs balik, n langsung OL. Ya ngetik ini skrg.
Overall ultah kali ini berkesan dari sisi yang blom pernah gw lewatin. Asik banget, ada traktiran (salah satu hadiah ultah), dll. Yg sbnernya jadi masalah tu di sisi ucapan slamatnya yang agak ga biasa. Smuanya yang biasanya inget malah lupa kali ini. Trs tmn2 maen di kmps juga pada lupa. Ya bbrp inget sih, dengan bantuan facebook. Dengan bantuan friendster juga sebagian lagi inget. Yang jadi masalah, temen2 dari aksel dlu pada lupa kayanya, telat ampir smuanya, satu malahan dah lewat hari. Parah!!!! Tapi no prob!! Pada inget udah keren!!
Yang agak berkesan kali ini, gw kehilangan rasa percaya sma bnyk orang karena apresiasi melalui ucapan slamat ultah kan penting, harusnya jadi first priority klo di dunia psikologi. Tapi keliatannya Dia sudah berhasil membuat gw kali ini fully unimportant. Sampe smua orang lupa sm gw. Hikz... T_T... No prob jg deh.. At least kali ini ada satu yang inget H-1 (kalo yang lewat facebook agak ga kaci ah.. ), satu tempat ibadah, sama jurusan, cuma beda subjur yang jadi susah klo nanya soal kuliah. Yah.. kalo sibuk, pasti beda lah... Beda kampus jelas2an. Sadiku gw di dia...T_T... tidak bersama-sama dengan sahabat bermain dan belajar untuk beberapa hari.. (skalipun udah pny fotokopiannya juga sih..tetep aja beda!!). Awas aja kalo kuis sama ujiannya ga dapet sempurna!!!! Oya, Win, ntr hrs liat spesifikasi tubes yang kali ini, dari algo strukdat, gw sklpk sm ank EL smua, gada IF, jadi harus berjuang neh....
Hoho.... overall, ultah ini mbwt gw harus nentuin/nglasifikasi orang2 ke dalam kategori teman, kenalan, teman yang cm manfaatin, sahabat (mimpi kayanya...), teman baik, ato orang-orang yang harus diwaspadai gara2 saking manipulatifnya, supaya tau cara menjaga kedekatan sosiologisnya, tau gmn harus berinteraksi, bwt efektivitas sm efisiensi waktu aja sih, biar ga pusing udah kegiatannya super banyak, jadinya kan lebih teratur filing data2 di otak, ga kaya kemaren yang gampang stres gara2 otak ngehang penuh teuing sama input ga jelas dari kampus dan sekitarnya. Udah ah, ngantuk, tidur dlu.... Thx a lot everybody bwt ucapan slamatnya, keren deh pada inget, di H-1 liburan satu hari doank. Hehe....

Perjuangan

/* Ada di atas fotokopian di Sipil */

"PERJUANGAN ADALAH PELAKSANAAN KATA-KATA"

Berjuang berarti melaksanakan kata-katanya...... Iya nggak???
Kalo gada hasil dari perkataannya, brarti blom berjuang jadinya donk....

Time to Study

It's getting crazier now! Still have faith to survive?? Just thinking about it can make my brain sick. I now my track record in campus is decreasing to a certain point which in the sight of my friends is quite disappointing according to my first semester "IP". I'm too lazy to tell them the real condition I'm undergoing. However, nobody knows or even cares that I have so many task to do despite my lecture in campus and all the tasks in it. I don't know how to survive here with these busy life. It's just irrational as I said before when I was in acceleration class. All the activities, which in fact, none of them is unimportant, are pressing me down to my knees. It was insane to undergo such a path of life this way, from one problem to another one to another again and again for quite a time with many switching in a day. Amazingly, it is for the very seven days in a week. Having faith?? Any courage?? I lay my life down just as if I throw my anchor of faith to the next room, the back one, the sacred one. I have no more strength in my own body and mind to live such a path of life if I rely on my own strength. I just throw the anchor as far as I can, not seeing the next state, just believing the path I have chosen and the path I have to choose for the next state, switching to 0 or 1, binary coded one. Trying to escape doesn't result in anything. It just bring me lower and lower again, blurring my future. Though now I see all things dimly, I just believe that someday I'll see them as clear as sunlight goes through a diamond. Having friend to confide in?? None at all. None could be believed. None is the same. None is even undergoing the same situation even for the type of the busy life. Pacing the path alone sometimes makes me down and kills my courage. Nevertheless, I take it as the path, the only one I have to choose with no other switch to be chosen. Studying to live or living to study? I choose the first one now. I chose the second before. To live is to die the "me" inside. I decide to know nothing but one, that I'm saved for one, and for one I have to "die" of the "me" inside my mind. To know nothing but the real purpose of my life which is absolutely not only to study in the lecture condition or to get as high mark as possible in the sight of geek people in my class whose purpose are so blurred or more visibly not existing in their mind. I choose not the meaningless life as my classmates, some of them, do. What is a mark itself? Is it the real representation of one's effort in the lecture? Does it represent the real value of one's life? Or it just jailed the area of life of the people to converge their life into just one ilogical and meaningless life? Saying that life is to be pace with only courage to survive?? Why? What is surviving anyway?? Is it to live, staying alive?? or just to keep your ego lives and doubles its effect in one's mind? Not caring about the life of others, just choosing to keep one's safety only in one's irrational vicinity? Nonsense!! Life is like a moving electron, to move from one structure to the other and to increase everytime, moving collectively as a wave of particle, not lonely as one's life. Dare to be different and to choose the irrational path...

Hanya Berpikir

Cape bgt harusny hari ini.. Tapi anehnya, begitu santai, nuansa males bljr begitu kuat. Smua terasa berjalan leumpeung ga jelas, aneh bgt.. Hidup terasa jadi sebuah pilihan yang salah. Tak ada tujuan, tak ada harapan, maunya kabur. Aneh bgt, smua orang sibuk dengan smua urusan, lalu lalang tanpa terlihat di matanya ada gairah dalam berbuat, berkarya, atau bertindak. Setiap orang terlihat seperti berfokus pada diri sendiri saja. Hari ini bner aneh bgt deh.. Blajar, tapi ga tau buat apa, bernafas, tapi ga tau knp bisa nafas dan buat apa nafas slama ini. Apa sudah ada sesuatu yang diperbuat? Apa hidup udah jadi makna bagi seseorang atau sesuatu? Apa langkah yang diambil sudah bnar? Apa hidup hanya sebatas pemenuhan kebutuhan ego pribadi? Apa hidup hanya terpusat pada ambisi dan nafsu semata yang diputarbalikkan melalui dalih untuk bahagia dunia dan akhirat? Apa arti hidup ini sbnrny? Kalau hidup hanya untuk bahagia diri sendiri sih, mending ke laut aja, mati aja skalian langsung biar ga usah ngerepotin orang laen, ato malah jadi beban yang ngeganggu hidup orang laen jg. Apa sih tujuan hidup? Kalo cuma buat sgala sesuatu tentang "aku" dan "aku" dan "aku", hidup sana di gua sndirian, jangan ganggu ato interaksi sm orang laen, ngurangin persediaan oksigen aja kerjanya. Buat apa hidup klo cm buat sukses pribadi doank? tambah kaya, tambah buncit, tambah mewah, tapi bangsanya sendiri ga dapet apa2 dr dia? tiap hari konsumsi smua dari tanah ini, tapi makin berumur bukannya nabur sesuatu di tanah ini, malah ngeruk terus tanah ini.. manusia macam apa ky gtu? Tiap hari mahasiswa jalanin hidup cm buat nilai, ato klo ngga berdalih dengan buat tmen2 di kampusnya dia ngelakuin banyak hal, ato lebih parahnya lagi, malah seneng2 doank hidupny di atas penderitaan rakyat massal yg duitny ternyata secara rumit akhirny berakhir di biaya pendidikan (subsidi) per orang mahasiswa ITB yg pada dasarnya disubsidi oleh pemda dan masyarakat sekitar, bukan lagi oleh pemerintah pusat. Udah lakuin apa aja sih kita slama ini? Apa udah ada sesuatu yang hebat yang kita lakuin? Smua cuma fokus sm diri sendiri, tanpa ada kontribusi di lingkungan sosial. Adakah kehidupan ini hanya untuk ego yang tiap hari dipenuhi dan dipuaskan?? Atau hidup untuk menjadi terang bagi gelapnya tanah ini, gelapnya dunia ini?? Merenung tanpa landasan bukan solusi, tapi langkah maju dan tindakan menjadi bukti..
Hari ganti hari smoga eksistensi setiap kita bukan karna kebetulan dan jelas memiliki tujuan yang bukan egosentris tapi untuk sosial dan sekitar.

Subuh Bersama TUBES

Gila bner hari ini. Gw ga tau lagi harus gimana. Tugas yang namanya banyak tuh bener2 banyak dan berjibul smw dalam satu waktu yang sama. Mulai dari elektron, kuliah (matek, strukdat, RE, dkk.), tubes strukdat yang gila juga, kerjaan ngajar yang makin2 memakan alokasi memori dan kebutuhan processing data di otak, dan urusan gereja yang bertumpu pada kegiatan2nya yang pada kenyataannya bertabrakan dengan hampir smua kegiatan kampus. Sekarang aja msh lg ngerjain tubes yg agk aneh banyaknya. Gtw deh... Ngantuk, quiz matek gmn lagi ini..... blm blajar bagian yang paling pentingnya lagi. duh..duh..duh... klo ditmbah masalah, bisa gila bner nih...

Today We Start The Craziness

It's the first day of our lecture again in this month. The first day was supposed to be a bright day, a day full of new hope, and a day with wider perspective to face this life in taking every step of our lives. However, that was just my hope with no realization at all!!! What I faced yesterday (because today has been Tuesday) was terribly exhausting. They were all exploiting me!! I was forced to do more and more, more than my body could take. All the pressures comes from all aspects of my life, of every circumstance I face. It's a miracle that I can still stand today because everything means everything in my life which is pressing me, not just campus life, but also church matter, the school where I work as a part time teacher, and also my home life. Feeling lonely?? Of course.. but, hope this will finish soon..

Ni coverny hasil coret2 ngasal, gmn???

Chapel This Morning

I couldn't imagined undergoing such an event with this kind of misery. I was told to lead the chapel this morning while in fact I've never done such a duty. This was my first time. I didn't know of what to say in front of everybody. Embarrassingly, I was speechless before everyone in the room. Though it was for only 15 minutes I was that nervous because the people were all children from kindergarten until eleventh grade. Ridiculously, they were just watching me all that time.

Underpressure Holiday

Hari ini detik-detik yang dilalui begitu terasa melelahkan. Percaya ga percaya, hari ini salah satu hari yang paling tidak efektif dari himpunan waktu-waktu yang tidak efektif dari hidup gw. Skrg bandung lagi panas2nya, tp suka tiba2 ujan jg. aneh bgt sih.. Hari ini juga kampus mulai aktif lagi. Himpunan2 mulai terbuka lagi pintunya (beberapa dikunci slama liburan seminggu kmrn). Tp secara gw salah satu kuncennya HME untuk pagi-sore blom k HME lg. Agak males jalan jauhnya dari parkiran motor sih. Enakny ntr klo k HME pasti bersih2 mulai dari nyapu, ngepel, sm rapiin barang2 dalem ruangan utama. Btw, ngomong2 soal belajar, gw dah ada di batas 50% suntuk sm strukdis n matek saking banyaknya teorema2 sm conjecture, lemma, dll yg aneh2 smua (ga jelas gtu pembuktiannya). Tp berhubung mulai mg dpan dah kul lg n kmgknan besar kuis bwt tiap matkul, jd gw blajar deh.. Males jg sih tiap semangat bljr malah jd kebablasan blajar, tp tiap cape bgt kebablasan tidur. Skarang sih msh netral, smbil ntn Looney Tunes Back in Action blajar matek, RE, sm strukdis (selang-seling tergantung mood). Kangen bgt sm tmen2 HME!!!!! Tp balik k kampus brarti smw tgs mulai dikerjain. Hikz... males bgt... mending blajar aja deh drpd ngerjain tgs2 bkn bidangnya (hahaha..mentang2 anak EL..)

A Day of Studying

Yah.. supaya pada ngerti, akhirnya gw ubah bahasanya deh.hehehe...
Hari ini seneng sekaligus sbel banget. Senengnya gara2 dari 24 jam waktu yang ada, 20 jam teroptimasi dengan sangat baik untuk belajar dan refreshing. Sbelnya gara2 gak ngerti2 strukdis yang complexity of algorithm tentang time complexity. Bahasa dewa bner itu bacaan tulisannya Rosen. Overall, hari ini topik Jend Ahmad Yani, A.H. Nasution, Soebandrio cukup menantang petualangan baca. Jadi, selain waktu2 yang ada gw abisin bwt baca Rosen + ngerangkum, gw jg baca bukunya Rum Aly dari perpus HME. Baru 90an halaman sih, tapi pergolakan politik sama darah di bukunya keren abz!!! Semangat deh kalo baca itu buku.. Tapi, tetep harus objektif, jangan terlalu terbawa emosi yang ada di alur cerita bukunya, ntar bisa2 jadi berat sebelah memihak golongan tertentu deh. Yah, pastinya hari ini optimasi waktu gw lebih baik drpd optimasi rangkaian digital ato rangkaian logika frank vahid. Hahaha... Met malem bwt gw...

A Surprise for Amy

It was fascinating today coz we arranged an event for Amy, one of our best friends, to celebrate her birthday today. Actually, the idea came from a special person. As the camouflage we told her that we'd have buka bareng today for K-09 only in Bima and Kresno's house. The preparation had begun since yesterday. It was started by the conference talking about the things we were going to do this evening. Then Kresno was chosen as the PJ for the birthday cake. I suggest a place to buy the cake coz I like the cream so much.
It was continued today, this morning. We confirmed everyone about the event tonight at Bima's. Nearly everybody we invited had had an event that they couldnt come this evening. However, we kept saying that it would be done this evening. After Sisdig time, I went to Setiabudhi Supermarket with Kresno to buy a few things to brighten the birthday surprise today. Just after that we went to Es Shanghai to buy 10 packs of es shanghai there for tonight's tajilan.
At the time, few minutes before Amy arrived, we prepared the gifts and the candles and also the cakes. I was told to play the song happy birthday for her. When everyone came out of the piano room, they sang the song together while I played the piano. Surprisingly, I found amy with tears falling from her eyes saying thanks to everyone. I was quite surprised too that time since I thought it would be another way. The main point here is I was glad that she is happy today because somebody is delighted too seeing her happy that way.hehehe....
Happy birthday, Amy!!!!

Brain Problem in the 3rd Semester

However, this is out of electron tasks, I want to write in English again.

I'm now entering such a realm with more tension in every aspect of my life. First, I'm undergoing such a degradation of my brain's health because I hardly understand what the lectures are all about. Secondly, I have a terrible schedule problem. I can't fit all my lecture schedule to my church schedule and my teaching schedule in the international school. As the result, everything becomes ruin. I have no idea of how to resolve this now. The last one, I have to spend more money in unimportant things for lecture.
Going to the first problem, I don't know why I hardly slept late. My body automatically turns my eyes off every midnight. And also I can't concentrate if I have no lunch everyday. I hate this because it wasn't this way last semester. I try to solve this by eating more every evening (after bukpus time).
Next, I always study another thing every lecture. I nearly never pay attention to what the lecturer said since I believer myself to be better in making my brain understand the matter rather than listening to the lecture given in the class. First, they explain the lecture too fast and with another planet's language. Besides, I nearly don't have time to study at home first which makes me study them while I'm teaching or in lecture time. Hehehe...
Help me....!!!!!

Persahabatan

This is the task for all elektron's cakru to write an article with of any topics. I hardly write it in Indonesian but I have to. Just enjoy reading it.. I write another article to support this one empirically in the source and the theories supporting this friendship discussion.

Theme : Social Interaction

Title : Friendship (Persahabatan)

Dalam hubungan sosial, persahabatan merupakan bentuk atau model interaksi sosial yang tergolong memiliki jarak keintiman interpersonal cukup tinggi. Hal ini didukung kuat oleh kenyataan bahwa persahabatan melibatkan penghargaan, pengetahuan, dan afeksi yang mencapai kesetaraan di antara kedua belah pihak di dalam hubungan persahabatan tersebut. Persahabatan dibangun oleh kesesuaian minat atau bakat dan frekuensi pertemuan yang tinggi untuk proses perkenalan serta pemahaman interpersonal. Ciri utama dari hubungan persahabatan yaitu terlihat pada sikap dan tingkah laku yang berbalasan serta reflektif satu terhadap lainnya. Akibatnya, hal ini akan menimbulkan konvergensi di dalam pembentukan karakter setiap pribadi di dalam hubungan tersebut.
Seiring dengan berjalannya persahabatan tersebut terhadap waktu akan muncul nilai-nilai baru, antara lain keinginan untuk mencapai keadaan yang terbaik bagi kedua belah pihak, sikap dan rasa simpati serta empati, kejujuran antara kedua pribadi, dan rasa saling pengertian yang hanya ada di dalam hubungan interpersonal dengan tingkat kedekatan cukup tinggi. Akan tetapi, persahabatan di mata setiap orang berbeda-beda bergantung pada latar belakang dan kondisi sosial masyarakat tempat terbangunnya hubungan persahabatan tersebut. Hal ini didukung oleh adanya teori-teori interaksi sosial, seperti teori pertukaran sosial, teori sosial simbolis, teori identitas, teori keadilan, psikologi sosial, dialektika relasional, dan lain-lain.
Secara umum, persahabatan bukan hanya sekadar hubungan pertemanan biasa yang dapat dibangun dalam waktu singkat. Pengujian terhadap suatu hubungan persahabatan merupakan pengujian kesetiaan antarpribadi terhadap waktu. Indikator kekuatan sebuah persahabatan dilihat dari tingkat kepedulian antarpribadi, kesetiaan, dan afeksi yang dinamis.

Persahabatan adalah warna, kehidupan, langkah yang terarah di dalam perjalanan panjang ini..

Gather

Tired!!!
Missing you all, accelerz!!!!!
I've observed many kinds of friendship and I've found one new model of friendship where togetherness takes role in it. I like this one. Actually, I accidentally join the group to have dinner tonight. There I found friendship not only as a term of condition but also as a realm, a life, something that is not fake because it is inside everyone in that group and that connects everybody there to become one. It was great. I'm willing to have that one.

Friend, in my friend's opinion

Again I publish this writing just because I want people to read it, my friend's writing two months ago..

Mempunyai satu sahabat sejati lebih berharga dari seribu teman yang mementingkan diri sendiri.

Apa yang kita alami demi teman kadang-kadang melelahkan dan menjengkelkan, tetapi itulah yang membuat persahabatan mempunyai nilai yang indah.

Persahabatan sering menyuguhkan beberapa cobaan, tetapi persahabatan sejati bisa mengatasi cobaan itu bahkan bertumbuh bersama karenanya…

Persahabatan tidak terjalin secara otomatis tetapi membutuhkan proses yang panjang seperti besi menajamkan besi, demikianlah sahabat menajamkan sahabatnya.

Persahabatan diwarnai dengan berbagai pengalaman suka dan duka, dihibur - disakiti, diperhatikan - dikecewakan, didengar - diabaikan, dibantu - ditolak, namun semua ini tidak pernah sengaja dilakukan dengan tujuan kebencian.

Seorang sahabat tidak akan menyembunyikan kesalahan untuk menghindari perselisihan, justru karena kasihnya ia memberanikan diri menegur apa adanya.

Sahabat tidak pernah membungkus pukulan dengan ciuman, tetapi menyatakan apa yang amat menyakitkan dengan tujuan sahabatnya mau berubah.

Proses dari teman menjadi sahabat membutuhkan usaha pemeliharaan dari kesetiaan, tetapi bukan pada saat kita membutuhkan bantuan barulah kita memiliki motivasi mencari perhatian, pertolongan dan pernyataaan kasih dari orang lain, tetapi justru ia berinisiatif memberikan dan mewujudkan apa yang dibutuhkan oleh sahabatnya.

Kerinduannya adalah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan sahabatnya, karena tidak ada persahabatan yang diawali dengan sikap egoistis. Semua orang pasti membutuhkan sahabat sejati, namun tidak semua orang berhasil mendapatkannya. Banyak pula orang yang telah menikmati indahnya persahabatan, namun ada juga yang begitu hancur karena dikhianati sahabatnya.

Ingatlah kapan terakhir kali kamu berada dalam kesulitan. Siapa yang berada di samping kamu ?? Siapa yang mengasihi kamu saat kamu merasa tidak dicintai ?? Siapa yang ingin bersama kamu saat kamu tak bisa memberikan apa-apa ??

MEREKALAH SAHABATMU

Hargai dan peliharalah selalu persahabatanmu

(written by Gerard)

Electron (Elektron)

Actually, it's still difficult for me to write in Indonesian for this blog. But, finally my idealism comes to an end that I have to report all the activities and all the tasks given in every session of the recruitment process. In fact, there had been once. On last Saturday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. there was the second meeting in Multimedia Room in Labtek VIII in campus. The first session was about the history of Electron Magazine and its development until the stop of the production. Then we had a short break for about only less than 50 minutes. Briefly we had to gather again in the same room to have the second session about journalism. It was unpredictably interesting for me. In fact, I didn't like the first part of the journalism topic which made me terribly sleepy. But it was ended with a very interesting topic, journalistic ethics. I will write another writing about the contents discussed by the speaker last Saturday, specialized only to fulfill the task given by the head of Elektron before I went out of campus for a while. I can't imagine writing in Indonesian in this English blog.... T_T.....

Friend

I'm thinking about an existence.
I believe friendship is not a fake thing. It's as real as your being today.
Friend is one of many treasures in the world that one hardly get without love.
Friend is all about first priority, such a classified thing.
To have friends just mean having second most precious jewelry in the world, or in the universe perhaps.
Friends are all about affection, endurance, care, hope, love, and finally existence.
It's not about something you can get that easily.
Friendship means that you're not totally alone,
that somebody loves and cares about you,
that you're special to someone,
that you mean something to people around you,
that you are loved.
Friend is the one who shows the best of you, brings it out, support you to reach it.
Friend may fail in doing favor for you, but friendship never ends.
There's nothing final between friends.
Once I experienced the end of something one calls friendship, such a rubbish of society.
Nevertheless, I regret having such a thinking before.
In my opinion, friendship is something lasting for a lifetime.
I don't know why my last closest friend ended up our friendship so strangely and quite hates me that bad. However, I can't stand keeping myself being distressed with such a thing. I have to stand for my own life.
Friends can mean paradise while in the same time being hell mutually.
Friendship...
a long journey of education in life...
the sweetness of life...

Finally I have time to open this page again..hahaha...
Having been through many circumstances so far I realize one thing that everything has to change. It's impossible for one to get stuck in only a particular condition that one going static with the current condition. I'm trying hard to get on with it too. It's been six months since the first start and I thought it would've finished already. But it's still moving until now. Courage and faith is my foundation to keep standing today along with joy and merry. So far I've changed my mindset in term of the reality of friendship. It's changed in fact. Guess what!! (just forget it!!)
Today I have one new house more in Bandung beside my real home here in Cikawao which is HME at the basement of technology laboratory VIII in ITB. It's the largest basecamp/office for a "himpunan" or set in ITB according to the area it has. However, I enjoy being there so much since it has so many LAN cable and there is a bed for anybody to sleep there. I got used to sleep on the sofa in the living room. Funnily, my bad behaviour came along with me yesterday that I hate to see such a condition of messiness there with the books on the floor. That's why I put all the books (according to their genres) in the library cupboard until there was no thick book on the floor except for the MBC books. There I met everybody older than me and had a little chit chat with them. Since then I realize one important thing that we have to run a brief program of making HME beautiful by tiding up the room inside. First, we can start from the main room, the living room in the middle with the little canteen. Then we move to the divkom room. The last one we have to tidy up the WS room. It is so messy!! Hahaha...
It's been three days of fasting for moslems today. Unfortunately, I studied in ITB where every canteen is closed during fasting month. With my crazy schedule I am being the same as those fasting since the first day, last Monday. The one different is that I don't do saur as them that make me starving at noon as always and dying as time approaching adzan maghrib. This makes me join every "buka bareng" with all my friends in EL'07. I like that because I met new circumstances where I can open my mask and start being the real me as I am with my closest friend at church. It's fun indeed!!!! There I found people with no doubt of being embarrasing in front of anybody, showing the real them...hahha... Starting from that point I start to change my mindset of how to interact with friends especially those in the same subject as me. Here I want to build a brand new friendship in HME where I find love and care as the main foundation to move on with the vision and work project of this organization. Later I will tell you a more detail of my new experience here... hehehe...

This was what we did

imagined

Once it was just a dream that soon blew into a reality. Unfortunately, it all changed suddenly. Naturally, I will try hard to chase it again. I've tried in fact. Now I've given up. All I can do now is adjust myself to get used to with it.

I'm Setting My Mind

This is the most difficult time I've ever faced and undergone. I see no hope actually. I see no one able to help and indeed no one wants to involve in it or even know it. It's my new path, no, not mine, it's His, He makes me face it no matter how difficult it is. I don't know why, it's just pressing me all the time. Funnily, He said in 1 Corinthians 7:29-32
"I mean, brothers and sisters, ^F36 the appointed time has grown short; from now on, let even those who have wives be as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no possessions, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord;.."
This is simply talking about our mindset. However, it's still difficult for me to stay confident in this while I feel like my burden is trying hard to intimidate me, blinding me from the path I'm in. It's said that the unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord. So, life is all about pleasing the Lord, not about us. It's not about human matter. It must be difficult for anybody to do. Nevertheless, we just have to do it despite all the world things that come pressing on us. Hehe.... my first post containing bible scripture.

Never Ever Want It Again

That's never been such a disappointing situation such as this, my worst experience. I'm feeling bad about it. I thought I wouldn't be able to go through with this all. But now I'm forced to face it. I'm forced to turn my self into the one I was just before I entered this stage. Unexpectedly, no one realizes this but me. Argh... Where are they saying to stand beside me in any situations? None of them even remember me today. Hahaha... such a ridiculous thing to think.

crazy

All I've been through is just a lie... There has never been such a love in men's heart that's able to forgive and start from the very beginning again. The truth I see here in human life is that all friends are there in only good time, not in the bad time... So lonely...

My Friend's Writing, interesting..

First, sorry for not conforming at first to publish your writing in this page. However, of nearly all your writings, this is the one I admire.

Mempunyai satu sahabat sejati lebih berharga dari seribu teman yang mementingkan diri sendiri.

Apa yang kita alami demi teman kadang-kadang melelahkan dan menjengkelkan, tetapi itulah yang membuat persahabatan mempunyai nilai yang indah.

Persahabatan sering menyuguhkan beberapa cobaan, tetapi persahabatan sejati bisa mengatasi cobaan itu bahkan bertumbuh bersama karenanya…

Persahabatan tidak terjalin secara otomatis tetapi membutuhkan proses yang panjang seperti besi menajamkan besi, demikianlah sahabat menajamkan sahabatnya.

Persahabatan diwarnai dengan berbagai pengalaman suka dan duka, dihibur - disakiti, diperhatikan - dikecewakan, didengar - diabaikan, dibantu - ditolak, namun semua ini tidak pernah sengaja dilakukan dengan tujuan kebencian.

Seorang sahabat tidak akan menyembunyikan kesalahan untuk menghindari perselisihan, justru karena kasihnya ia memberanikan diri menegur apa adanya.

Sahabat tidak pernah membungkus pukulan dengan ciuman, tetapi menyatakan apa yang amat menyakitkan dengan tujuan sahabatnya mau berubah.

Proses dari teman menjadi sahabat membutuhkan usaha pemeliharaan dari kesetiaan, tetapi bukan pada saat kita membutuhkan bantuan barulah kita memiliki motivasi mencari perhatian, pertolongan dan pernyataaan kasih dari orang lain, tetapi justru ia berinisiatif memberikan dan mewujudkan apa yang dibutuhkan oleh sahabatnya.

Kerinduannya adalah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan sahabatnya, karena tidak ada persahabatan yang diawali dengan sikap egoistis. Semua orang pasti membutuhkan sahabat sejati, namun tidak semua orang berhasil mendapatkannya. Banyak pula orang yang telah menikmati indahnya persahabatan, namun ada juga yang begitu hancur karena dikhianati sahabatnya.

Ingatlah kapan terakhir kali kamu berada dalam kesulitan. Siapa yang berada di samping kamu ?? Siapa yang mengasihi kamu saat kamu merasa tidak dicintai ?? Siapa yang ingin bersama kamu saat kamu tak bisa memberikan apa-apa ??

MEREKALAH SAHABATMU

Hargai dan peliharalah selalu persahabatanmu

(written by Gerard)

Holiday??

What a holiday!!!! I could never imagine to undergo such a horrible situation!!!! As a matter of fact, this is a holiday and it's been 2 weeks long. I expect something more than just a holiday actually. But, well... It's been set up. All I can do is just waiting until the prison is over...

Don't know why

You know, family background, the surrounding, neighborhood, school conditions, etc. are the factors shaping one into one's whole life today. So, it's not necessary for anybody to judge one's appearance and personality just by one single look at a very brief time. That's what I'm thinking nowadays. It's difficult to get rid of that accusation everyday. I feel like I've done something extremely bad I didn't even realize. What I know for sure is that there's a very bad damage created lately. However, I have to deal with it indeed.

One Point, One Word

I don't know what's happening now actually. One thing for sure is that everything is changing. All is emerging to the surface. Blaming is the characteristic of this season. Unbelief seems to take place dominantly here. The thing to do is just placing trust in your heart. Even though it's just a person you can trust, don't let trust go out of you. Everything get worse and worse recently. So, don't let trust get rid of you!

Last day of PLO

This was the closing song for the last day of PLO (Profession and Leadership Orientation) in the groups final event, before the whole "angkatan" song of friendship and love. Hope this will be in our heart and mine forever till forever for this nation.

(05/06/08)

Bendera

Biar saja ku tak sehebat matahari
Tapi ku slalu mencoba tuk menghangatkanmu
Biar saja ku tak setegar batu karang
Tapi ku slalu mencoba tuk melindungimu

Biar saja ku tak seharum bunga mawar
Tapi slalu kucoba tuk mengharumkanmu
Biar saja ku tak seelok langit sore
Tapi slalu kucoba tuk mengindahkanmu

Kupertahankan kau demi kehormatan bangsa
Kupertahankan kau demi tumpah darah
Semua pahlawan-pahlawanku

Merah putih teruslah kau berkibar
Di ujung tiang tertinggi di Indonesiaku ini
Merah putih teruslah kau berkibar
Di ujung tiang tertinggi di Indonesiaku ini
Merah putih teruslah kau berkibar
Ku kan selalu menjagamu

It was a terribly tiring day. All I did today was only studying and helping my friend in studying chemistry for its uas. I went late to campus today because I woke up very late. When I arrived, the meeting had been finished and all the students were doing the tasks given. So then I briefly went to chemistry building to Mr Suryo G.'s room. I was waiting for him in fact. Then, when he came, we had a little chat until he had to answer a few questions from his another student (the grammar is a bit wrong). After the meeting I studied PRE until now. I only changed places. I miss my best friend here.. He was in a distant place now, enjoying his days in his second hometown with his family. Wish you all the best, bhro...

I like this song..

This is the song strengthening me all the time...

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Mine or not??

It's been a year long I'm studying in this university. I've learned so much about relationship so far. The environment shaped me particularly that I'm terribly uneasy to believe in anybody even though it is my closest friends. I've tried hard to start thinking positively about anybody but the world seems to reject that kind of thought. So, this is me... a bit broken...

Sahabat???

Gmn reaksi lo kl sahabat lo tiba2 nyuruh lo cari sahabat laen ja, trs ngomong kl kita ga cocok dari awal, padahal dah tmenan ampir setaun dan stengah taun ptama have fun mlulu???? Apa smua yg dah dilewati, kebersamaanny, saling tolongnya, ga berarti apa??? Apa smua pengorbanan ga berarti apa2??? Apa slama ini smua sia2??? Ini sih pembunuhan massal.....

Forgotten

It's a bit contradicting, isn't it?? I forgot I wrote the "It's done" before this one. Anyway, it's true. It's been verified for more than a month long. But now, I've got used to. Eventhough nobody cares for me, (actually, I don't care of myself anymore too..) I won't let my exams score be down.

Now

It's been eight months since I first change my personality. Believe it or not, it was just like a rolling gear. The surrounding changes me back into I was before I entered the university. Everybody forced me to be alone. I have nobody to trust anymore. In fact, I've had nobody to confide in for such a long time till now. It is ridiculous, isn't it? Everybody around me forces me to look everybody as suspiciously as I can (I think the grammar is wrong... I don't know the correct sentence..). The ones I trust the most leave me one by one secretly. It is undeniable that this happens to me in exams period. I really couldn't concentrate to study. All I can do is just praying that He would take this cup from me... Hehe... (trying to escape)
Since I couldn't trust anybody, I couldn't tell what I'm undergoing now even to those I used to think they are the closest to me. The only think I've done since two days ago is not to eat any food (containing full ingredient for a formal or informal dine). I just drank mizone, water, and milk (milo of course). Yesterday I was forced to eat bread. So I ate it. But today I don't want to eat anything, just want to lament or just forgetting the past step by step 'cause every time I tried to remember those beautiful days I suddenly cried (too melancholic..). However, I have to face it all by myself since I have nobody to stand beside me anymore. Hikz.... Hikz....

It's Done

We've been well again...
Though I don't know what he thought nor felt, He'd said that what ever came our ways, no matter what hatred there was between us, I would be still his best friend and so would he. So far, it's been like those in the past. We're just like we were before. The different thing is that now I know what he dislikes as well as he knows what I dislike. Though it's still in the surface, he said he has such a confident that I could change and be his best friend as he desired. Just as I thought, I hope he could change a bit of his personality and be my friend as I've searched this long... One important thing here is that no matter what happens between us, there is nothing final in friendship. This quite change my mood a lot... Thx.

Self...

I'd better be alone, not having one to hold my hands when I'm afraid....

Grief

I had quite a bad conversation last night with my parents because of a physics task. I'm sick of all this stuff! I'd better be alone than to know that all closest persons around me being those who hate me th most and keep pressing me all the time, every second of my life.

Alone

This is not a movie title. This is such a real situation happening to me. I was such a stupid man walking down the street, seeking for someone who wanted to hear me tell my story or just a simple speech I made. It was ridiculous to think about it today. Someone had changed me a lot. However, the changes are tried to be changed again today. I have no idea of what is happening to me nowadays, or recently more suitably to say. It's just strange.... and..... I don't like it at all!!! Something is changing in my community. It's..... weird!!! It's a bit insane.
I have a friend, again I retell this story. I have a friend whose name is xxxxxxx. This one is the strangest friend I've ever had. When he is in bad mood, he will behave rudely to others, include me. But, funnily, when he is in a happy condition, he becomes my best friend. Again, this is a man, not a woman. To tell the truth, this was started the last two months. I didn't know why for the first. But then, after I quite insisted him to tell me the truth, he said that, (I could conclude it with a more polite way) I was .... peep..... (censored). I had no idea at all that I'd done such a thing that seemed bad to others. They never told me. So I tried then to change my behavior. May be I should stop talking from now on (to them). Everything I say is wrong for them. I thought it might be better (the realm). However, it wasn't as I thought. He changed more drastically. He said everything was alright. Yeah... I wish it was alright. I hope so.
The strangest thing happens today!!! I sent him so many sms, nearly 20 messages, distributed to his two cellphone. But, guess what!! He didn't answer the sms I wished he'd answered it. He answered only the unimportant sms-es. I hope everything was alright. He was just.... strange!! I'd apologized to him for everything I'd done in the past for those I consciously did and for those which I did unconsciously. I didn't know anything else to say. Astonishingly, he didn't answer all that kind of sms of mine!! Please, help me!!! He didn't want to meet me at all today. I don't know why.
I know for today and a few days to go, this page can only be seen by one person. That's why I write this now. I hope you read it....
Sad, grieving, depressed.... Those are my condition now.
Btw, I'm sorry to write this story in English again, for I've committed to fill this blog with only English paragraphs.... hehe....

Home

It's a bit like a therapy for me to undergo such a situation in which I learn not to rely on anybody but one in everything. I tried hard so far to face all things alone. I used to ask for much help from those around me. I realized then that this may be quite a wrong choice of my decision.
One thing I like so far is that I've underwent such a situation where I don't regret what has been done and what has happened. I like this last six months. I have a friend, the closest one I've ever had. He'd been the one changing my personality so much. However, not all things go as I thought before. He's going somewhere now, this time. I've been waiting for nearly a month for him to come back home. Nevertheless, it seems useless. He kept saying that all things are OK which, in fact, everything is not OK. He, the one I know since the first, has changed up side down.
But, so far, I'm happy to have undergone such an experience. I will never forget it. It's been my prayer for a period of time, since long time ago, to have a friend who can be my best one, who I thought he would think the same as me. Since I knew the truth, I got depressed and now I tried hard to keep struggling while in fact it keeps "menghantui" me. Knowing all things have been done, I can't do anything to change everything. It's a life. Life keeps going on no matter whether I'm ready or not to face it. I just want to warn you all to be aware of relying on someone, making such a relationship. It could build you up and in the same manner it could break you down...

Chemistry Practicum

Today was the last day for chemistry practicum since we had reached the last title. Bye bye chem.prac!!!! hahahaha...... Though my last score may be disappointing, I'm still happy.

Busy??

You're not busy at all when you feel or think that you're busy with so many things to do.

Sick

I'm sick of this all!!! I was once longing for the true friendship and I thought I've got it. Surely, it overflows me till now. However, guess what, it was destructed all of sudden!!! It was just gone!!! I became a hopeless man, desiring only to give up this life. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried my best to keep the friendship as it was begun 7 months ago. All has changed. All changed!!! Noone can ever deny it!! All has changed!!! In fact, it's still changing now!!!!
The day after I confessed what I felt to him as clear as I could, the friendship was broken. He hated me fully, wholly. Of what reason??? It was because I kicked a cat while it was eating something which I thought not a food. But it was done that time!!! I couldn't go back to the past and repair this stuff.
Amazingly, he changed his mind, seeing my hopelessness. He decided to forgive me, which, I don't know whether it was a complete forgiveness or just a part of the complete forgiveness. As a matter of fact, despite my willingness to have all back to the first step, as we were once building this friendship, he had changed. He didn't care anymore of what I'm facing, of what happened to me, what I was struggling, what I feel, and many more... While, I'm still watching over him, caring his regular life and all his activities, his work, his readiness to face the exam, his meal, his feeling most importantly, his mood as always, and so on.
I don't know why he changed this far while we had made an agreement that we would start again from the beginning like we started this friendship 7 months ago. He was just.... I don't know... What happened to him actually??? Does he have a problem right now???
One thing I learned from this situation is that friendship is such an agreement between two sides with both sides agreeing one thing, that is to walk together and lift the other up when they're down or praising him when he get success. A friend walk right beside his friend, not behind or in front of him. I hope we could be back to the old days... to the happy days of knowing that friendship does mean something to both of us. There were so many trauma in my life about friendship and I hope this wouldn't be the next trauma. I can change to be better...

Friendship---

Sleepy

Ngantuk

Tired

Got exhausted???
It's been quite a long journey of meditation, thinking about stopping my study now to start a new one which I really like, music stuff. I was terribly sick of this all. I hate the circumstances in my campus, the study environment. All I find so far was only selfishness. I just couldn't imagine of how to survive here with such egoism dominating the society. I nearly wanted to quit yesterday. However, my best friend in campus keep encouraging me to go through with this all. The thought I'm relying on is 'not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord."
Keep fighting!!!

Electrochemistry Practicum